Horse racing and sport jokes

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Horse racing and sport jokes

Postby Mickyboy60 » Sun May 10, 2015 8:58 am

We all love a laugh or very least a smile so how about we all share our fav jokes ill kick off with this one ) A jockey is getting instructions from trainer hold him up to the final furlong then surge home any way into the race starts to make his move when a chicken drumstick hits him in the face a few strides on and he gets hit again by a lump of quich and finally as he was reaching the leader a bottle of champers knocked him off his horse when returning to his trainer to the words what happend he said sorry guv I was HAMPERD. Keep smiling MT

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Re: Horse racing and sport jokes

Postby superted » Tue May 26, 2015 7:05 pm

It’s my girlfriends birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present.

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ she said . ‘Just get me something with diamonds in.’

So I bought her a pack of cards. :D :D :D :D

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Re: Horse racing and sport jokes

Postby Mickyboy60 » Tue May 26, 2015 11:35 pm

MY GIRLFREIND SAYS IM NOT COMMITED (well i call her my girlfriend) keep smiling

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Re: Horse racing and sport jokes

Postby Mickyboy60 » Thu May 28, 2015 8:46 pm

A first time race goer goes up to the booth and says can you explain the each way rule to me please of course the man says each way is 2 bets one win one place if your horse wins you win and place if your horse comes first second or third you just get place money great he says can you do two pound each way on horse no 4 no the man says oh whys that then cos this is a hot dog stall. keep smiling

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Re: Horse racing and sport jokes

Postby Mickyboy60 » Thu May 28, 2015 8:49 pm

i just love cheltenham every year i take a week off work to enjoy it its playing havoc with my career as jockey though keep smiling

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Re: Horse racing and sport jokes

Postby Sargent M » Thu May 28, 2015 10:40 pm

A young jockey and his newly wed virgin bride head off on their honeymoon, for the entire journey the young jockey only has one thing on his mind. While checking in the lady behind the desk says we have two suites available for you, would you like the bridal? No thanks replies the jockey I'll just hold her ears till she gets the hang of it
"Lochsong - she's like Linford Christie ... without the lunchbox."
Frankie Dettori (1994)

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Re: Horse racing and sport jokes

Postby Sargent M » Thu May 28, 2015 10:52 pm

Tips for tomorrow

In the cross country race: V Neck, its a great jumper
Dusty Rug will take some beating in the juvenile sprint
In the 2 mile hurdle: Red Dye always runs well
In the handicap chase: Creosote is good over faces
And finally for Ayr: Open The Window
"Lochsong - she's like Linford Christie ... without the lunchbox."
Frankie Dettori (1994)

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Re: Horse racing and sport jokes

Postby Mickyboy60 » Sat May 30, 2015 8:23 pm

I purchased a race horse from the ironmonger as soon has i got him in his stable all he wanted to do was MAKE A BOLT FOR THE DOOR ) Keep smiling

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Re: Horse racing and sport jokes

Postby Mickyboy60 » Sun Jun 14, 2015 5:55 pm

A JUNIOR SCHOOL GOES TO THE RACES FOR THE DAY TO LEARN ABOUT HORSES HALF WAY THROUGH THE DAY JUST BEFORE RACING STARTS THE CHILDREN NEED A TIOLET BREAK SO THE 2 TEACHERS TAKE THE BOYS TO ONE AND GIRLS TO THE OTHER TIOLETS BUT THE BOYS CANT REACH THE URINALS SO THE TEACHER HAS TO LIFT THE BOYS UP HOLD THERE WILLIE TO DIRECT THE FLOW WHEN SHE NOTICES ONE BOY IS RATHER WELL ENDOWED TRYING NOT TO LOOK SHE SAYS OH YOU MUST BE IN YEAR 4 NO HE SAYS IM RIDING SNOW FAIRY IN THE 2.55 . KEEP SMILNG

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